Interviews with the characters we all love with a little help from the authors that wrote them.
In this case some Fantasy Satire from Jordan A Werner
Name (and title if appropriate):
Fergushar the Tenth, Democratic Emperor and Death Lord of Jocrom, Soltan of the Pale Star
Written by:
Books you appear in (links welcome)
Restore my humanity, annoy witch.
Without a doubt, Jocrom. Mostly because I ruled there, also on account of its fascinating culture, which my family spent generations attempting to suppress during our rule. I for one think that that was a terrible mistake, mostly on account of the fact that doing so put quite the damper on the hashish industry, which I so expertly restored to its former glory.
Well. When I was a human, I was very fond of the trebuchet. Not only on account of its offensive capabilities, but because the elderly made very amusing sounds upon being fired out of one into the ocean. “Eeeeeaayoww….ploosh.”
On the day that three of the Witches of Incolf came to me and demanded—demanded, can you believe it?—that I swear my kingdom’s fealty to Queen Siobhan the Third. I told the ringleader that her dress looked like the skin of an alligator being swallowed alive by tumors. Her compatriots laughed and she didn’t speak for the rest of the meeting.
Though the fact that they razed Jocrom the next day does put a bit of a damper on that memory for me.
Without a doubt, Quin Schumacher, on account of her turning me into an ostrich. Quin is unaware of it, but I am constantly plotting her downfall. Both on a professional and personal scale. I’ll break her spirit, then get her to change me back into a man. Or I’ll get her to change me back into a man, then break her spirit.
Woman has it coming.
Much of my childhood was spent shadowing my father Fergushar the Ninth—the most powerful, interesting, and charming necromancer with the title of the Ninth, by the by—as he showed me the inner workings of the Jocromite political machine, as well as the inner workings of those who managed it.
And I suppose I have my mother to thank for giving me the self-restraint, shrewdness and cunning needed of a Death Lord. She made sure I grew up with a sense of discipline in me, and I have her to thank for what others would call a prickly sense of humour.
I had no siblings, and thank goodness for that. I can’t even begin to imagine how utterly time-consuming it would have been to make their theoretical demises appear like accidents.
Sitting on my throne in Jocrom, with hundreds of servants at my beck and call and my feet propped up atop Quin’s back while getting a much-deserved pedicure.
Only that he’s a disgusting degenerate who needs to stick to that skincare routine his sister prescribed him and to make his bed every so often. The savage.
Some say the ostrich is the only animal endowed with political direction. That is, in fact, quite true, and I am pleased to say that I am also well-endowed with a considerably sharp sense of political acumen, which you will see on display in Master Werner’s book.
